Menunggu Dan Menunggu...

Aku paling la tidak suka menunggu dan tertunggu ni. Menunggu dan menunggu, huffffhhhh! (-_-”) Memang laa penat kan! Bila dah menunggu terlalu lama, mula la perasaan bosan dan jenuh menebal di jiwa. Dengan jujur dan ikhlas aku katakan bahawa sesungguhnya aku sangat tidak suka keadaan yang tidak pasti. Sungguh seksa dan menyeksakan. Maka bermulalah debaranku...

Menunggu adalah hal yang paling membosankan bagiku, dan aku benar2 tidak suka dengan pekerjaan yang satu ini, benar2 pekerjaan yang hanya melelahkan fisik. Hhhmmmppp, tapi meskipun begitu, disengaja atau tidak, aku sering terlibat dengan pekerjaan yang satu ini. Termasuk sekarang, yaaa MENUNGGU!

Masa Kecil2 Dulu...

Masa kecil2 dulu kalau menangis, nak menangis sekuat yang boleh. Nak semua dengar, nak semua orang beri perhatian. Bila dah besar, kalau rasa nak nangis pun, kita mesti jauhkan diri daripada orang. Menangis sorang2. Menangis yang tiada suara. Tapi air mata banjir. Tertekan. Rasa nak jerit keluarkan semua. Duduk dalam bilik. Jerit sepuas hati. Sampai anak tekak terkeluar. Tiada siapa dengar. Makin kita besar, makin banyak kita simpan sorang2. Apa boleh buat. Itu je pilihan yang ada...

I Care Too Much...

Sometimes, I hate caring too much. Yes, hate. Sometimes we just care too much but the other just don’t see it. At times I go to the extra length and my care exceed to no limit. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back. These situations eat up my energy, play on my mind and causing stress. I end up hurting myself...

I start to notice that I should stop this habit of mines. Sometimes, when you care too much, it brings frustrations  when others don’t appreciate it. Why bother? I don't know whether I deserve to not be cared about or do people just really do not bother anymore. I can't seem to emphasise on this enough...

I really do not know what to do. Should I care or not? Some people be like ” Just care a bit, but not too much.” Well… I CANT! It’s a black and white decision for me. There’s no in between. It’s black or white. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t care too much...

Insomnia...

It’s 2.10 am in the freaking morning and I’m lying in bed awake, staring at the ceiling and look at my wall and my minds just all over the place. I really need to sleep, I have to wake up early tomorrow morning. I am only going to get 3.6 hours of sleep. How am I going to function tomorrow…

What can you do when your mind won’t stop running? I call it brain chatter. Who better to chat with then yourself? A friend? Sibling? Parent? Will they understand anything you have going on in your head? And if they do understand, do you really want to keep them up all night with you?

The Know It All...

At times, people seem to believe that they stepped straight out of a superhero comic book. They believe that they know everything very well. Dealing with people who think they know everything can be rather irritating...

I admit arrogant personalities are perhaps the most difficult types of people for me to deal with. My tolerance level for people is very high. I can deal with almost any personality but this personality drives me crazy! I now have learned just to walk away from these types of people & it's better to just shrug it off rather than confront them...

The Truth is nobody knows EVERYTHING!

Kalau Lah...

Kalau lah boleh putarkan balik masa, kan best. Nak jadi budak kecik balik. Yang hanya fikir keseronokan je. Takde satu masalah pun dalam kepala. Sekarang ni bila dah dewasa, banyak sangat benda nak pikir...

Tapi nak buat macam mana, dah ni hakikatnya. Nak tak nak kena lah hadapi. Makin dewasa, makin banyak cabaran dalam hidup. Sanggup atau tak, kena jugak laluinya. Sebenarnya, cabaran tu lah yang mendewasakan aku. Cara aku berfikir, cara aku bertindak...

Aku perlu terima sebab tu dah memang lumrah hidup. Aku percaya setiap benda yang menimpa diri, ada hikmah disebaliknya. Aku harus kuat dan percayakan diri yang aku boleh tempuh semuanya. Tak susah nak susah, tak senang nak senang...

Setiap Masalah Ada...

Setiap masalah ada jalan penyelesaian. Kadang kala ada masalah boleh dikongsi bersama teman dan ada setengah masalah perlu disimpan, menjadi rahsia peribadi. Hanya Allah tempat yang sesuai untuk meluah. Menangislah. Meratap la. Allah tidak berburuk sangka pada kita tapi bila kita meluah masalah kepada teman2, banyak tafsiran berlaku. Kadang2 secara tak langung kita telah membuka aib kita sendiri...

Aku percaya masalah akan berlalu bila disertakan dengan kesabaran. Allah lebih mengetahui apa yang terbaik untuk kita...

Negative People...

I have to deal with negative people at some point in my lives. Encounters with such people are stressful and emotionally draining and most of the times, lives me feeling very unhappy...

It can be really tough. Tough because I may not find it easy to remain loving and compassionate towards them, without being dragged into their negativity. Sadly, there comes a time when I have to detach from them. This is especially true when I feel emotionally drained and all my efforts to change them have backfired. It may seem selfish at first but I'm responsible for my own happiness...

Aku Jenis Yang Tak Suka...

Aku ni jenis yang tak suka nak kongsi masalah aku dengan orang lain. Bila aku rasa otak aku dah 'padat' sangat, baru aku akan share masalah dengan kawan2. Biasanya aku akan kumpul masalah tu dalam otak aku, fikir sampai nak pecah kepala. Maybe tu yang boleh timbul aku stress, sebab aku banyak berfikir. And yes! Aku kalau ada masalah, aku suka berfikir atau mengkaji masalah tu...

Risau Dan Runsing...

Sepanjang hari ini, aku risau dan runsing memikirkan keadaan seseorang. Aku bimbangkan akn dirinya. Ada sedikit perasaan tertekan. Tertekan memikirkan apa yg harus aku lakukan utk menjernihkan keadaan. Sama ada aku perlu masuk campur atau diamkan saja. Namun apa yg harus aku lakukan dan bagaimana melakukannya masih merupakan sebuah tanda tanya besar...

Apabila berada di dlm keadaan situasi sprt ini, aku hanya memikirkan perkara yg negatif yg akn berlaku. Dia sudah cukup dewasa utk berfikir, mana satu yg betul dan mana satu yg salah. Sepatutnya dia tau bkn begini cara yg betul jika ada sbrg masalah. Aku tak sanggup tgk dia terus lalai dgn apa yg dia buat...

Aku hanya mampu berdoa dan terus berdoa supaya Allah membimbing dia ke arah yg diredhai. Kadang2 aku sendiri tak faham, knpa mesti rosakkan diri sendiri sdg kan ramai yg sygkan dia. Mungkin dia je yg perasan org sekeliling dia tak pedulikan ttg dia tp hakikatnya, setiap detik org risaukan dia. Setiap saat org mendoakan apa yg terbaik utk dia. Tp knp susah utk dia faham erti syg...

Aku tau, mungkin dia kecewa dgn hidup dia tp bila diri sendiri tak kuat, mudah je terjerumus dgn perkara yg negatif. Mmg aku akui, aku tak pandai nak tunjukkan rasa syg aku kat dia tp hakikatnya aku syg sgt kat dia. Bila aku dpt tau yg dia dah musnahkan hidup dan masa dpn dia, aku rasa kecewa yg teramat sgt...

Aku yakin 1 hari nanti dia akn ttp berubah. Apa yg penting, aku tak boleh putus asa dari terus berdoa kpd Allah supaya dia kembali ke jln yg benar sbb aku yakin Allah lah yg  berkuasa ke atas segala2nya. Walau apa pun yg terjadi, aku sendiri harus kuat hadapi semua ni...

Ya Allah, lembutkan lah hati dia dan selamatkanlah dia agar tdk terjerumus ke dlm lembah kehancuran... Ameen.

My Hands Are Tied...

My hands are tied. Just received a really bad news but I am powerless to do anything. I feel hopeless. I feel weak. I cannot change it, it is what it is. There's nothing I can do to make things better. I did try. I did the best I could to make the best of the situation. I did it all. I was dealt a shitty set of cards and now I just found out how shitty my cards really are and still I can't do anything. It's the same old statement...

Allah knows better where I may not know. Allah has the best planned. What I can try to do now is to look for options. What choice do I have? Not much it seems. The best I can see now is to stay positive, be patient & pray a lot. That's the only choice I have left. I know that tough things are ahead of me. The cards have been dealt but the end result is yet to be written. My job now is to make the best out of what I've been given. I promise I will not despair on what has been but to focus on what I can do to improve on everything, anything. Being positive is the only option I have left...

Kadang Aku Rasa...

Kadang aku rasa seperti aku adalah seorang psikiatris atau shrink untuk diri sendiri yang bermonolog dalaman to make me feel better...

Do You Ever Feel...

Do you ever feel like you have those times in your life where you've been tracking everything you eat, making sure you're getting in all the good nutrition, lots of exercise. You can feel and almost see your stomach shrinking...

And then...you step on the scale. NOTHING!

Oh Yes!! It's Over...

I feel glad because something unpleasant has stopped. I feel as though the pressure is off. I'm sick and tired of acting like I'm fine. I realized that I was actually very tired of the mess I didn't even start. It may not be a physical hurt but an emotional one. If I could only say what I feel, maybe it would lessen the heaviness in my heart. She consistently makes me feel like I'm not worth anything. She doesn't realize how horrible she makes me feel... 

I don't know if I'm just being sensitive. I didn’t stand up for myself until I realized that my self-esteem depended on me and not on her. She might have broken it but it was up to me to fix it. I don’t try to prove my worth anymore. I don’t have to, because I know my worth. I am simply deciding that I MATTER and I am not going to put up with the way that she treat me anymore. No matter how hard or strong I claim to be, the actions of others can sometimes hurt me... 

I may try to tough it out and will pretend the words of others don’t effect me but the truth of the matter is, sometimes I do!! But it’s over now. A burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel relieved. I pray Allah give me renewed strength to carry on with my journey...

24/7 Sakit...

Fikiran kacau, terlalu banyak sampah remeh temeh yang bermain dalam kotak fikiran. Banyak masalah ke? Takda masalah pun, kecuali risau akan kaki aku yg 24/7 sakit. Bila agak nya kaki aku nak baik. Bila kaki dah sakit ni, baru sedar kepentingan kaki. Aku mohon sangat2 agar Allah hilangkan segala kesakitan yg ku alami ini serta kembalikan aku kepada kesehatan dan kesembuhan...

I Love Blogging...

I just feel like writing and pouring my heart out here about what I feel, how's my day going and everything, so that I would feel calm later. It's funny how writing could actually gives me calmness and enjoyment. Writing here is like having a person you can talk to all the time, any time and they listen unfailingly. There are things I just can't say to anyone and here I can write them. To know that those feelings are somewhere else besides my mind, makes me feel better...

Chill...

I have been working my butt off for weeks and finally after all my hard work, all I want to do is be lazy and do nothing :,-)

Sometimes...

Sometimes it's easier to say 'Alhamdulillah' than to explain what's wrong. Simply because most of the time we feel like nobody except Allah understands. Truth is,  Allah is the only one who understands us best...

Mimpi...

Bila mimpi pelik2 mula la aku fikir yg bukan2, ada org cakap jgn percaya, ada org cakap tu signal something yg kita perlu beringat. Wallahualam...

Lately ni bnyk mimpi yg aku rasa mimpi yg pelik, bila baca tafsir mimpi online rasa maksud dia pun mencurigakan. Tapi apa2 pun, aku pernah mimpi yg real dan terjadi dlm real juga so that's why aku sgt2 curiga akan mimpi2 ni.  Boleh dikatakan lately ni kebanyakan mimpi aku sgt yg pelik tu yg aku takut sgt...

Tak tahu la nak cakap, sama ada mimpi2 ni boleh caya ke atau hanya mainan tidur (pabila kita banyak berfikir). Kalau mimpi tu berulang2 of course takut juga kan, orang cakap mimpi tu mainan tidur tapi bila asyik datang benda2 pelik risau la aku...

Tekanan...

Bila aku berlaku jahat memang akan mengundang masalah, malah bila aku berlaku baik pun masalah tetap akan dtg tanpa diundang. Sesungguhnya tidak aku nafikan, ada ketika aku tidak mampu mengelak daripada menghadapi tekanan dalam menjalani kehidupan...

Apa yang berlaku semuanya bersebab dan itu juga yang aku pegang dari dulu hingga bila2. Tiada yang berlaku tanpa sebab. Samada benda baik atau sebaliknya. Langit tak sentiasa cerah, namun hujan tetap akan berhenti. Ada perkara kita tak perlu tahu mengapa ia terjadi dan mengapa terjadi pada kita...